Three excruciating walk off losses in a row in Texas. Three excruciating walk off losses in a row in Texas to cap off losing 3 out of 4 to another division rival after losing 2 out of 3 to the Twins, no less. Oh, joy. Even better. And then, last night, as fans were reeling from the hits — the other teams’, natch — that seemed to keep right on coming, what did they Angels do? Why handed us a gorgeous, feel good, batting exhibition of an 8 to 2 win over the Blue Jays, of course. I mean, I was expecting that, weren’t you?
All sarcasm aside, I suppose we fans really should have been expecting it on some level because this has been the Angels’ story all season. Get swept by the Pirates, sweep the Tigers. Get swept by the Mariners, come back after the All Star Break and take a more than decent 2 out of 3 from the best in the west A’s. Thinking about this pattern last night really made me start wondering. Is this relationship of mine with the Angels really, in the strictest sense, healthy?
I mean, let’s think about this for a minute. What is one particularly strong sign of an unhealthy relationship? Yes, exactly:
Periods of disturbingly erratic behavior, often followed by a barrage of gifts and kind gestures to make up for increasingly bad behavior.
Hmmmm…so let us review. Three excruciating walk off losses in a row in Texas after a string of other bad losses followed by a big, loud, extravagant gift of a win…oh, and did I mention that last night was also Albert Pujols Pint Glass Night? Uh huh. *nods*
Interesting. So, can we think of any additional classic signs of an unhealthy relationship that the Angels meet?
Isolation from friends and outside activities.
Well, I have been known to flake out on friends and parties in order to watch that evening’s game at home. Sometimes at the last…um…er…did I just admit that out loud?!? On the Internet?!? Crap! I mean…um…er…I wasn’t feeling well *cough, cough*…I had a terrible headache (this season, usually starting about the 8th inning)…there was this thing, yeah, this thing having nothing whatsoever to do with baseball that unexpectedly came up…er…they’re not buying it are they? Rats!
*In a whispered voice* Let’s just consider this criteria met.
Interference in relationships with family.
Hmmm…how to sum up? Both my immediate family and all of the Los Angeles based folks bleed Dodger Blue. My Central and Northern California family on both sides are passionate Giants fans. And then there’s me (and Seth). Soooooo…Gee whiz Krupke, that’s why I’m a mess…and why, when we all get together, post season dinner conversations can be…er…lively. 😉
Of course, at the heart of it, the various fans in the family all love baseball and love talking about the game and if, every now and then, there’s just a tiny little bit of trash talk, so be it. On second thought, we’ll call this one dysfunctional on the surface only and thoroughly hysterical on all levels.
There is a history of such behavior.
Ummm, yeah. Hey Angels fans? Does the team have a history of this behavior? Okay. Yes. I see a lot of nodding from those who have watched the last few seasons. Aaaaaand a lot more vigorous nodding from those who’ve been watching longer. Ooooo, swearing and nodding! Yeah, I’d ask if that’s really necessary, but I can tell that you folks have been watching since the beginning, so I think we all know that it is.
Okay, ouch. That couple over there is sobbing. I think they were at The Game That Must Not Be Named in 1986. Oh you were? Nice seats behind home plate, you say? Awk. Ward.
Sooooo…anyway. Suffice to say, yes. There is a history of such behavior.
Your entire personality starts to change within the context of the relationship.
Oh, so kind of like all of the yelling, swearing, stomping, cheering and general loud behavior this normally quiet, mild mannered geek girl suddenly adopts the moment the umpire shouts play ball? Yeah, ‘nuff said.
And, there are more classic signs that I could list, but I think we have our answer here loud and clear. Obviously, if you’re ever in a relationship with an actual human who behaves in any of these ways, you should find the nearest available cub and kick them to it, stat. No ifs. No ands. No but baby I can changes.
But when the relationship is with a baseball team? Well, then the rules are less clear. I mean, fan does come from the term fanatic, after all. My relationship with the Angels certainly doesn’t sound healthy but what it does sound is pretty normal, among the ranks of baseball diehards at least. I mean, we all know fans who take wins and losses with equal calm, watch the occasional game when it won’t interfere with other commitments or inconvenience their calendar in any way, and don’t get that bruised, beat up feeling after a string of hard losses. Yeah, we even have names for them, like casual, occasional and, less charitably, bandwagon.
Alright. What are we unhealthy baseball relationship sufferers left with then? *shrugs* I guess we struggle for perspective, continue to root for a win and hope that that annual couples therapy known as Hot Stove, the trade deadline (not this year clearly!) and the draft eventually break the pattern of long strings of crushing losses followed by winning presents. I mean, then dealing with all of the other stuff isn’t just worth it, it’s laudable. 😉
So business as usual then? Yeah, pretty much. Play ball!
Heading into the 2013 season, the Angels were ranked highly on all analysts’ lists. A playoff berth was said to be all but assured and many even predicted they would reach the World Series. And indeed, even taking into account the pounds of salt it’s always best to take with preseason predictions, the Angels definitely seemed like one of the teams to beat. Certainly no one expected them to turn out to be one of the teams that everyone beats. *sigh* But, never fear ladies and gentlemen. The Angels are still having an extraordinary season — just not even remotely in the positive sense. They’re still causing jaws drop all over Major League Baseball and with play that causes fans to exclaim loudly — loudly and things that are largely unprintable, that is.
In fact, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that 2013 Angels are redefining baseball as we know it. So, with the intent of educating and informing the larger baseball audience, I offer the following TIAVSG Angels vocabulary lesson. While these baseball terms continue to hold their standard definitions for the other 29 teams, here is what they now mean in the Angels’ lexicon:
Run Support – A mercurial happenstance that seems to come and go in waves with no discernible rhyme or reason, though it is significantly more likely to disappear when the Angels starters are doing well, and reappear when the starters’ performance renders it ineffective.
Starting Rotation – Similar to Run Support. A Starting Rotation is a group of players whose effectiveness and ability are a mercurial happenstance that seems to come and go in waves with no discernible rhyme or reason and appears to “enjoy” an inverse relationship with Run Support.
Turning the Corner – I’m convinced that, for the Angels, this is no longer so much a defined vocabulary term as the limit in a calculus equation. The Angels are forever, one might even say infinitely, said to be approaching “Turning the Corner” but they never, ever actually get there.
Lead – A largely theoretical concept that is difficult to achieve and, once achieved, nearly impossible to hold.
Loss – Synonym for weekday. No, never mind. That was grossly unfair of me. Losses can occur on weekends as well.
Firemen – Traditionally this is a neat, somewhat old fashioned term for relief pitchers, because they come into the game in a high stress situation and ‘put out the fire.’ I am particularly fond of it because I’m generally fond of old fashioned terms with vivid imagery…and you are all shocked. Now, under normal circumstances, I am highly in favor of reading as much as one can of as many different kinds of books as one can and Ray Bradbury is a personal favorite going back to childhood. But whoever made Fahrenheit 451 required reading for the bullpen? I want them found and forcibly serenaded with Buttercup…I’m Henry the 8th, I am style…for several days. *shakes head sadly* Not that kind of firemen guys. Not that kind of firemen.
Astros (see also Cubs) – An offensive juggernaut of a team with virtually unhittable pitching.
Consistency – In standard baseball terminology, consistency always has a positive connotation. He’s getting consistent at the plate, for example, means the he in question is starting to hit regularly. But in just plain, old, everyday English, consistency is more of a contextual concept and, as the Angels are reminding us this season, it is more than possible to be consistently bad.
Closed Door Meeting – I am certain that this is now a common synonym for postgame spread as both occur with significant regularity after the conclusion of the game.
Ace – Fortunately for the Angels, the traditional baseball definition still stands. An Ace is the guy that stops the team hemorrhaging, the guy who takes the mound and gives his team a chance to win no matter what…even if the offense can’t get it together in time to actually give the W to him. But no matter how the Angels or anyone else continues to define an Ace, he can only take the mound every five games or so…ugh.
October – And thus, sadly I fear that the definition of this word is destined to become ‘a quiet time of deep sadness and contemplation, but mostly of idleness…idleness spent watching other teams in the playoffs.’
Fan – A pitiable creature, filled with self-loathing and wracked by guilt over his/her inability to refrain from snarking, griping, angry yelling and the composing of lengthy, disenchanted blog posts filled with sarcastic vocabulary lessons in the face of the Angels ongoing inexplicably terrible play…even though she…er..*cough, cough*…I mean, he/she still goes to games and watches almost every single one she…er…or he can’t attend on TV. A creature who, even awash with such emotions, cannot keep herself from starting to hope again, just a little, every time the team starts to show glimpses of their true ability and wins a game or two.
And that concludes this evening’s Angels baseball terms vocabulary lesson. I cannot tell you how much I want the Angels to start and keep playing the caliber of baseball that would make me well and truly embarrassed by this post. Seriously. No joke. I want to eat crow over this by season’s end. Few things would make me happier than posting a lengthy and heartfelt apology…but the longer this kind of play continues, the likelihood of my needing to scour the internet for tasty crow marinades from Food Network chefs decreases significantly.
Oh, please excuse me. Just indulging in a bit of morning-before-the-game-after-an-off-day-and-Angels-moved-another-half-game-closer-to-a-wild-card-berth levity over here, with apologies to Barnes & Barnes and, of course, Dr. Demento.
Ah the Trout heads, as fans and various Angels vendors affectionately refer to these goofy, bright red, fish shaped, nerf weapon of a piece of head gear if I ever saw one, hats. So disturbingly silly they’re absolutely awesome, am I right? Of course I am. Look, even Angels players know how great these things are:
Basically, the way I see it, these hats are but one more strong testament to the unbelievable power of Mike Trout. Don’t buy it? Look, Southern Californians simply do not wear stupid hats. Not for team spirit. Not for unity. Not for nothing, unless they’re Mickey Mouse ears or, apparently, Trout heads. See that? No stats or proof of increased game attendance needed. Simply put, Angels fans are awesome and Mike Trout is bigger than Mickey Mouse. 🙂
…and all of this – the photos, the parody, the silliness – because the Angels successfully completed their sweep of the White Sox, the A’s lost to Texas last night while the O’s moved no further ahead in the standings, and I am getting so excited for this next series I can barely contain myself! Thank you for indulging me in my silliness, dear reader. We now return you to your regularly scheduled MLBlogs programming.
This post was brought to you by letters S, G and K, the number 27 and the zany stir craziness an off day this late in the season has been shown to produce in lab animals and the occasional friendly neighborhood Angels blogger.
Insanity and baseball fans, two concepts that have nothing at all to do with one another…or do they? Remember, “fan” does come from the term fanatic and fanatic comes from the Latin fanaticus, which means a sort of mad, overzealous enthusiasm pertaining to a temple or other sacred place, temple being fanum in Latin. And you know what? I can still see it. Granted, I am more used to hearing ballparks described as America’s cathedrals, but I think temples is an equally apt description. It is, however, a bit cumbersome for a modern definition. The literal definition of lunatic is someone who becomes crazed by and howls at the moon. I tend to think of a fanatic as one who howls at the television set.
My point is simply this. We baseball fans may be mild mannered, well adjusted people in every other aspect of our lives (or we may not), but when it comes to the team we love, we’re all just a little bit cracked…okay, more than a little bit. Check my logic here…
Moving briefly back to the television set, how would describe your relationship with your TV when your team is playing. Personally, I would characterize mine as loud…and so, no doubt, would my neighbors. Now, do you think this whole yelling at inanimate objects thing is rational behavior? Oh, but of course we aren’t really yelling at the inanimate television set itself, now are we? That’s right, we’re yelling at the tiny images of baseball players on the screen…tiny images of baseball players who can’t hear us…because they’re just images, not actual people. You’re right. That does sound so much more rational. 😉
What about believing in the magical power of random objects to affect to affect the outcome of events? Generally, I think most of us would agree this is not a rational thought. When it comes to baseball however, we have lucky shirts, lucky socks, rally caps, the list goes on. And even though on some level we understand that these objects have nothing whatsoever to do with the outcome of the game, who among us hasn’t left the stadium after a painful loss thinking, amidst all of our ‘players/managers/umpires coulda, shoulda, woulda thoughts,’ something along the lines of ‘Next time I’m wearing my lucky hat’ or ‘I knew I shouldn’t have worn this jacket. It’s blue.’?
And do I even need to bring up the rituals? Yeah, why not. We baseball fans often have “lucky” rituals that rival even those held dear by some of the players. Watching the game from a particular bar, or a special seat at the stadium. Partaking in a specific meal or eating only at specific times during the game. I’ve heard it all and I’m sure we all have stories we could share. Myself, I have a special love for punk music that’s heavy on the bagpipes with a dash of fiddle and I’ve been enjoying it immensely today…because this is the first time I’ve listened to it in weeks. See, from about a week before the Angels start playing the Red Sox until they finish playing them for the year, I cannot bring myself to listen to the Dropkick Murphys or anything that sounds even remotely like them. When someone who wouldn’t understand, read a non-baseball fan, asks, I say it’s because it feels disloyal to listen to such Red Sox loving and beloved band. However, the honest answer is that it would feel like I was thumbing my nose at the baseball gods which, much like spitting into the wind and tugging on Superman’s cape is one of those things you just don’t do. Now, when I’m being rational, I know that my musical taste has no impact whatsoever on unrelated events, but once we start talking about baseball… Oh, and yes, of course the baseball gods exist and are a completely rational concept. Why do you ask? 😉
Oh, and there are plenty of other ways in which baseball fans are not, strictly speaking, sane in their love of team. In fact, I’m sure you’ve thought of a few yourself while reading this. So I’m going to leave it that, point proven, mischief managed…except for one more thing:
So, my Angels. Yes, they’re 8.5 games out of first. Yes, even after sweeping the Red Sox for the season series – and oh how sweet that was! – they’re 4 games out of Wild Card contention. Yes, it’s the last day of August and the Angels only have 30 games left to play in the regular season. And, no, I have not given up on the Angels making the post season at all. Is that more than a little irrational bordering on crazy? Perhaps. But, hello? Baseball fan! Did you not just read my post? Crazy and irrational is at the very core of our being.
It’s late June and I have now attended enough baseball games at the Big A and other stadiums to see that the desperate need for another Very Special Post at TIAVSG is becoming increasingly clear. This time our serious and important message concerns none other than your friend and mine, the beach ball.
Each year thousands of innocent beach balls are emotionally traumatized, physically crippled for life or worse in tragic baseball stadium incidents. The truly heartbreaking part of this terrible situation is that with only a little education, it’s so very preventable. Beach balls are fun loving, lively creatures that love nothing more than a shared good time with close human companions, but they also have a crippling fear of loud, noisy crowds, so finding the appropriate setting to enjoy quality time with your beach ball is key.
Beaches, swimming pools and public parks are all excellent places for beach balls to grow up happy and well adjusted with plenty of room to bounce around free. Major League Baseball stadiums, however, are nothing short of a house of horrors for our boingy friends. Beaten and bashed around, moving ever farther from their rightful owners, being spiked from great heights, and eventually landing on the field in front of an entire crowd of angry, accusing eyes and loudly booing mouths?? It’s more than a beach ball can take, let me tell you, and few if any ever recover from the trauma. Most require immediate deflation at the hands of kindly security guards and understanding baseball fans to put them out of their misery.
But fortunately, there is still hope for our lighthearted and light bodied friend, the beach ball. Yes, that’s right, together we can help stop the madness and allow beach balls everywhere to lead out happy fulfilling lives by simply leaving them at home when we go to the ballgame. Yes, that’s right. All you have to do is leave them at home. The beach ball euthanasia anguished security guards will thank you, your pro beach ball rights section mates will thank you and, most importantly, your beach balls will thank you!
And, while we’re on the subject of Very Special Post topics, I have another dire public safety issue to bring to your attention, namely that all too innocently-monikered baseball stadium menace, the wave. Please read the following important JumboTron public service announcement brought to us by the safety minded front office staff of the Texas Rangers.
Normally, I would never cite any Texas Rangers information on this Angels blog, but as you can see from the above, the wave is so detrimental to our well being as baseball fans, that it demands a triconta-partisan effort to eradicate this menace. I don’t know what more I can add to the Rangers already highly informative PSA other than my own passionate pleas: Please, I implore you, stop and think before you wave. If you can’t restrain yourself from rising in unison from your seats to wave your arms in everyone’s face, and from peer pressuring others into doing the same, for the sake of the baseball players you are supposed to be rooting for but have now effectively told you don’t give two flying figs about the outcome of the game; if you can’t do it for the sake of all of the money you and those around you spent on their tickets to enjoy the game; if you can’t do it for the health of your own joints and muscles then, please, do it for the children.
Thank you very much for your time today. This has been another TIAVSG Very Special Post. I now return you to your regularly scheduled baseball blogs programming. Go Angels!
I was going to bite my tongue and just post my photos from Sunday’s Fan Fest and ensuing disappointing game. I was going to refrain from ranting and just see how things worked out for a little while longer, really I was. And then, this evening. Yuck!!! …only, I didn’t say yuck.
< rant >
Yes, Ervin Santana gave up five runs, four of them solo homeruns. Yes, the team was facing David Price. But five runs should not be an insurmountable deficit, especially with these bats in the lineup. The offense needs to find their swings, find their chemistry and start producing and, although it’s only April, they need to do it quickly before we fall too much farther in the hole. But one thing that would seriously help is a having a set lineup.
Look, I love Mike Scioscia and am absolutely not part of the crowd calling for his head, but the another day, another lineup thing has got to stop. 15 different lineups in the first 17 games is Lewis Carroll levels of ridiculous without any of Lewis Carroll’s awesomeness to me…hence my rusty attempts at cartooning. (Be kind. This is the first time I’ve put pencil to drawing pad with any greater cartooning intent than amusing my niece and nephew in years. *nervous giggle*)
Think about it, 15 lineups and none of them have worked? How do we really know that? I mean, did they really not work, or did they just not work that day? Because expecting to be able to assess a lineup accurately after just one game is kind of like going speed dating and expecting a marriage proposal from someone by the end of the evening. And if all Scioscia is trying to do is find a lineup that produces, why didn’t he stick with any of the lineups he used in games the Angels won? Clearly I’m not a baseball manager, but does this make sense to anyone?
We have pitchers with radically different styles and, apparently, way more depth than is good for us. I understand this. So if Scioscia can’t come up with just one lineup to stick with – and I do get that – than how about one lineup for fly ball pitchers and one lineup for ground ball pitchers or something like that? Restricting the crazy lineup roulette to two or three in some sort of regular rotation would surely be an improvement.
Again, I have no delusions of grandeur that I am some sort of baseball managing genius but certain things just seem obvious, especially after a few games. Albert Pujols should not be DHing, at least not this year, next year or any year so long as keeps making those outrageous defensive plays. Good God damn, that man can move. Young guys like Howie Kendrick, Erick Aybar and Peter Bourjos, who have a set position they aren’t experimenting with or trying out for should not sit out a game to “rest” unless there are legitimate reasons they need to rest and by that I mean illness and injuries. And they should have a static position in the lineup to go with their regular playtime. Howie was hitting! He was hitting a ton. Then he sat out a day and now he’s not hitting anymore. Yes, he should do his best to maintain his own rhythm but shouldn’t the lineup support him in this endeavor?
Also, Mark Trumbo needs to be in the lineup as often as possible, and Kendrys Morales needs to be in it more often than not. And leave Torii Hunter in right. Yes, I realize that doesn’t leave a whole lot of wiggle room. Scioscia is left with flopping Trumbo, Maicer Izturis and Alberto Callaspo at third; Trumbo and Vernon Wells in left; and Kendrys and Bobby Abreu at DH, because let’s be honest here, neither of them should be playing anywhere on the field right now. But he doesn’t need a whole lot of wiggle room with only two or three lineups on a regular schedule, now does he?
</ rant >
Am I sure the Angels will turn it around eventually? Absolutely. Am I sure it will happen in enough time to matter? Not completely, no. Especially not with the rate at which Texas is tearing through the opposition. I’m not giving up by any means – Hello, it’s April! – but something needs to change and fast…seriously guys. Don’t make me turn this blog around and start cartooning again. 😉
And, while we’re at it, Torii and Vernon (Because, yes, of course the Angels read this blog. Why do you ask? ;)), quit messing with Peter Bourjos’ walk. I don’t know for certain that that is what’s messing with his swing, but something sure is so you might as well cool it just in case.
Okay. Now </ rant >
The Angels Opening Day is finally here and I can barely contain my own excitement! In just a few…well…in just a few too many hours for my taste, I’ll be at the game. Still, hours. We’re down to hours! Isn’t that exciting? However, it is important to remember that attending Opening Day, or any other ballgame for that matter, is much like any other festive, celebratory occasion: in your excitement it’s all too easy to forget the darndest of things. But, with a little thought and preparation you can avoid any potentially disastrous forgetfulness and ensure your complete ballgame enjoyment.
Submitted for your entertainment, here is my helpful Angels Opening Day checklist. Did you remember to bring:
Because you can’t get into the ballpark without tickets, right? Yeah, I know. Ticketmaster, Stubhub and the like all have numbers you can call in a pinch in you lose your tickets. But, as someone who once had their Nine Inch Nails ticket swiped in the ladies room in between the Queens of the Stone Age set and the main event, I can tell you that as fast as they really do try to rectify these situations and get you back in your seat, standing in customer service with the feeling that you’re missing the first song, first pitch, etc. is not fun. Yeah. These babies went into my purse seconds after I snapped the photo. I recommend confirming possession of said tickets before you start the car to head for the stadium.
2. Cash…probably kind of a lot, actually.
This is one of those not so fun parts of the game. But ‘buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks’ is an indelible part of Take Me Out to the Ballgame, after all. Not to mention the hot dogs. The tasty, tasty, overpriced beverages. The parking… Need I go on? And I don’t know about other ballparks, but paying with a credit card or ATM always seems to take three times as long, so cash is king.
3. Ball Caps
They protect your face from the sun and when the sun goes down, they protect your head from the cold. They shade your eyes from the glare – all the better to see the game with, my dears. They proclaim your team pride across the stadium in even the largest of crowds. Don’t leave home without them.
4. Fan appropriate attire
Okay, maybe this isn’t exactly difficult to remember if you leave for the game from your home, wearing it all already. But, like so many of us, I am forever dashing off to the game after work, so Day to Night Barbie’s got nothin’ on me. (The reference came from a coworker actually. I left the conference room we were working in wearing a business suit and returned in jeans and an Angels jersey to collect my computer and go. ‘What are you?’ she laughed. ‘Day to Night Barbie?’) And until I figure out that Wonder Woman ‘spin and spin and spin until *poof* your outfit completely changes including perfectly coordinated shoes, jewelry and makeup’ maneuver, I’m going to add ‘remember every piece of your fan appropriate attire’ to the list. Because forgetting my sneakers and going to the ballpark in jeans, jersey and 3.5 inch heels was not exactly my finest moment.
Because if you want to capture some of those great game memories permanently, whether on the field or of yourselves in the stands, you’re going to need a camera. Now, you will note that my case contains considerably more than just the camera – two extra batteries, two extra memory cards and various charging accoutrements, to be precise. What can I say? I’ve been married to an Eagle Scout for going on 13 years and that always be prepared thing? It’s so not just a slogan and, after a few years and numerous demonstrations of it’s usefulness as a philosophy, it rubs off on a person. Running out the battery during a game sucks. So does finding out that the card is full of of pics from a friend’s wedding that you can’t erase yet…or that you left it in the computer. *whistles* So, if you like to take more than just a few random photos, I suggest embracing your inner Eagle Scout – provided the real deal isn’t handy. 😉
6+. The backpack o’ many things…
…o’ many things, including:
1. One jacket for each party in colors that either coordinate with your team or, at the very least, do not coorninate with the colors of the opposing team (unless you have the same colors).
2. A few snacks that don’t require as much of the aforementioned cash. In our case, this is typically a bag of salt and pepper pistachios.
3. Team swag of the useful variety – blankets, warm hats and the like.
4. Team swag of the rally variety. Oh yes, there will be Angels Luchador masks! Regardless of what security says when you enter, they have yet to take them away from us in a moment of rally necessity.
5. Ponchos. Yes, ponchos. Remember what I said about the Eagle Scout thing? Cheap Target ponchos weigh nothing, fit easily in one pocket of the pack and will become your favorite thing in the entire world if one of those infamous April showers catches you in the stands.
And there you have it – check, check and double check – the Opening Day checklist. One additional thing that would be on my list if I could guarantee that my ability to check it off would be anything better than shakey? Managing to calm my excitement enough to get actual work done this morning and afternoon because I have a metric f-ton of work to do before the game. (It’s roughly 204 pounds larger than your standard imperial f-ton, don’t cha know?) Oh well. I’m going to run and try to make more progress on that last one and then, Play Ball!